Necrophilia
by tmntyyh
Summary: "Don't read nothin' into this but... Ya ever f*ck a corpse?" Warnings are inside.


Title: Necrophilia

Summary: "Don't read nothin' into this but... Ya ever fuck a corpse?"

Warnings: ...Read the summary. We're going into odd, potentially creepy and/or twisted territory! ...I'm so going to Hell...

Disclaimer: I do not own them.

Side Note: Just a short one-shot that came from listening to Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" remix with Chew Fu H1N1 Fix (is that correct?).

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><p>Red eyes watched eagerly as the blonde man slipped the filter end of an unlit cigarette between his lips before fishing out a lighter. There was something very appealing about the way that the man smoked; lips puckered around a cylindrical object, cheeks hollowing as he sucked on the end. "So," the blonde said as he blew out a mouthful of smoke before leaning back in to the plush booth of the Seventh Heaven's bar. "I got somethin' I want to ask ya'll..."<p>

"If you're trying to come out, yo," Reno said as he plucked the cigarette out of the pilot's lips before taking a drag, grinning at the fuming blonde. "Don't bother 'cause we figured that out a long time ago."

Leaning over, the blonde snatched his cigarette back out of the redhead's grasp and briefly contemplated stubbing it out in one of the helicopter pilot's eyes. Deciding that he did not want to have to relight the poor thing, the pilot settled on slipping the object back between his lips and sucking on the filter. "Fuck ya, Red," he snapped before flipping off the Turk.

"I do believe that is his job, Chief," the brunette gunner quipped before jerking his head in Tseng's direction.

Reno smirked widely as he leaned forward, making another grab for the blonde pilot's cigarette, "Well, what do ya know, yo," he teased, waving his hand when it was harshly smacked away. "Count Vampula can fuckin' talk!"

"Very funny, Valentine," the Wutaian Turk replied dryly before taking a sip of his scotch.

"We got to stop hangin' out with Turks, Val," Cid muttered as he rolled his eyes. "Keep forgettin' that they're fuckin' children...both ways."

"...Huh?" the redhead asked before looking at Tseng.

"...We not only are children, but fornicate with them," the older Turk clarified.

"Sick, yo!"

Cid grinned proudly as the redheaded Turk glared at him. "Back to my question! It's just somethin' that's been on my mind lately. Don't read nothin' into this but... Ya ever fuck a corpse?" Vincent quirked an eyebrow as he turned to look at the blonde. Did he seriously just ask whether or not any of them have had sex with a dead body?

"Once," Reno said with a shrug. "Probably better when they're fresher... Yanno, more flesh, less rot."

"You truly are a twisted freak, Reno," Tseng said as he took another drink. "You never fuck a corpse after rigor mortis has set in. Granted, you probably could get into some awkward positions while in that stage..."

"Sure is fun when they got plenty of holes," the redhead said as he leered at Vincent. "But yanno all 'bout that, right, yo? You got yourself a pretty corpse to fuck all night long."

"...Lucrecia is encased in mako crystals," the ex-Turk replied, wondering exactly what was stopping him from pulling out Cerberus and showing Reno just how it would feel to have multiple holes in his own body.

"That is why he has not had sex in decades," Tseng quipped, smirking at Vincent as he glared at the Wutaian. Oh, that was revenge for his earlier comment, was it?

"Shit! Years, yo?" Reno gawked, looking at the ex-Turk as though he had claimed that he had said that he had two cocks hidden between his legs. "Tseng, call one of yer hookers and get the poor soul some pussy!"

"Reno!" Tifa snapped in the distance, "watch your language!"

"Sorry, Big Tits!" he replied unapologetically and quite loudly with a wave of his hand.

"...Why would I have hookers when I constantly have you and Elena throwing yourselves at me?" the dark-haired man said as he took another sip of his drink.

"'Cause yanno I give good head, yo."

As the Director of the Turks choked on his alcohol while Reno cackled, Vincent stood up from his seat before leaning over and murmuring in Cid's ear, lips brushing against the blonde's lobe as he spoke. "While I cannot help you in your quest to fuck a corpse," he murmured gently, his gauntleted hand slipping into the pilot's lap to fondle his cock gently. "I can certainly show you what it is like to be fucked by a corpse..." Smirking, the demonic man spun on his heels with a flourish of his cloak and walked away from the bar, heading towards the stairs as the aviator offered a hasty goodbye and hurried after the brunette ex-Turk.

Review and let me know what you thought.


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